the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
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