I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
