Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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