sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
