with your own penis?
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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