We should be called the Road Head Warriors
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
