i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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