what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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