she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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