Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
