and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
