what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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