I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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