girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
