How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
