I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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