We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
