I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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