Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
