He is an equal opportunity slut.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
