haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
