come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
