One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
