Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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