Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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