Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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