When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
