honey bunches of taint.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
