Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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