just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
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