The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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