That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
