it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
