I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
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