Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
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Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
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Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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