I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
