That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize
