One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
