I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
