I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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