to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
