Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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