it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
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My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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