I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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