I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
