apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
home. puking in laundry basket.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
