so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
