I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
