So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
