You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
All the doctor said was why
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
