Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
