Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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