On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
