Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
