come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
