Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
