so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
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promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
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This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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