Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
