My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
