i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
