Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
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He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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