peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
