I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
