The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
