I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Randomize
