I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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