Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
