I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Randomize
