Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
